No.

"I need to some alone time, so I can climb into bed and just cry. I don't want to hurt your feelings and I'll talk more when I'm ready, but for now, I just need to cry."


Thankfully, he understood where I was coming from and quietly left the room to give me my space. The tears came freely, starting slowly and fading into a sob, dripping onto the pillow.


"Why God? Why did you answer this way? It wasn't supposed to be a no."


- - - - - - - - - - - - -


A few days and a few tears later, my resolve is stronger. I can handle the no. Something greater must be on the horizon. I start dreaming, planning out the next steps ahead, deciding what the new course will be.


- - - - - - - - - - - - -





I love this shirt. Straight off the hanger though, it wasn't created for me. It would need a few nips and tucks to fashion a shirt that would be flattering.


And one morning, I hastily cut the shirt so that I could have something new to wear to work. 




Every time I wear it now, I am reminded of my hurried decision. I tug self-consciously, fighting to keep the shirt from riding up. Strings stick out, saluting the haphazard manor in which I tailored the shirt, reminding me that I should have taken my time.


- - - - - - - - - - - - -


I reevaluate the plan. It will work. It gets me where I want to be. But one question lingers: Am I selling myself short? This could work, but is it Your plan?


- - - - - - - - - - - - -


I sit down to read.





The answer is audible. It's my plan. I am haphazardly cutting the shirt again, trying to overcompensate for the no.


- - - - - - - - - - - - -


Sigh. Why are no's so hard to take? 

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

{journey is a daily devotional provided by my church. they're short but powerful. if you don't have this resource available to you and would like to try it for a month, send me an email at abbyneinast{at}gmail dot com and I will pick up a copy for you.}