Vulnerability.

Community.

It's becoming quite the hot topic among church these days. Most churches offer some time of life group, small group, home team or something of the likes to provide a space for people to feel connected with others. The interesting thing about community is that even though churches offer a lot of opportunities for community to happen, it will not develop with out vulnerability.

Community is a result of vulnerability.

Vulnerability changes things. It deepens a relationship. It can soften or harden people. It takes its toll on people. Vulnerability is a choice. And is it not always an easy or clear choice to make.

I've struggled with vulnerability lately. I want to be vulnerable with my friends and the people close to me. The problem with vulnerability is that it requires you to honest about your life. Currently the majority of my life revolves around three things: marriage, work and school. With some questions, its easy to be vulnerable and truthful: How's marriage? Wonderful! So much fun, we're loving the house! With other questions, you can still be vulnerable and truthful, even when its not that fun of an answer: How's school going? Eh. It's going. Only five weeks left and then one semester and I'm finished!

Finally, there are some questions that are just hard to be vulnerable and truthful: How's work going?

Humph. What to say? Do you choose to fudge (a whole lot) on the truth? Or are you honest about it and look ungrateful?

Well today on my blog, I'm being vulnerable, truthful and want to share my heart. I'm not sure that many people outside of close friends and family read this, but I want to share this so that you know what I'm going through, how to pray for me, and how to hold me accountable.

The only way to answer the question is that work is hard. Down right, wear you out, feelin' the pressure and stress, HARD.

If you've been living under a rock then you might have missed the fact that we're in an economic crisis. Part of that crisis meant that people couldn't afford to attend a private school. So as a recruiting team, we did not meet the number goal that HSU needed to meet budget. As much as I would like to blame the lack of goal on the economy, the fact of the matter is that we didn't meet our requirements and the school is hurting because of it.

So now the recruiting team is being watched. Very closely. And I have to admit, it's no fun being watched. Since I'm being honest hear, most of the time my gut just wants to react. It's easier to speak off the cuff rather than obey. The fact of the matter is that I should just simply obey because of the authority the people setting the rules over me have. That can be a hard pill to swallow, but I'm choosing to obey because I want to be seen as obedient.

I've been praying for the Lord to change my attitude and to raise me up as a leader. Wouldn't you know, when you pray a prayer like that, the Lord will certainly give you several opportunities to succeed. Or fail, in my case.

So if you see me anytime soon and ask a me a question, know that you will receive an honest answer. I hope that in my answer, you will see my heart in the matter. Even though the situation is gut-wrenching, drag you down, drain all you energy, hard, I am so thankful for the job I have. I still want to learn from the situation, to serve the school I love, and to grow in the process.

I'm not quite sure how to wrap this up, but as I take a step back into this blog world I knew that I could not blog again with first starting with vulnerability.

As you start another week, both in the real world and the blog one, I hope that you will seize the opportunity to be vulnerable with those around you.